The Top Five Worst Things About Being a Man at Work

We did promise last time that we’d address another side of the gender equation at the office. Sure, workplace environments are still totally skewed in a pro-male direction, and salaries aren’t equal, women have to couch everything we say or be considered “the office bitch,” but if we aren’t aggressive no one takes us seriously… wait, what were we saying again? Oh, yeah. It’s also sometimes hard to be a man (apparently). Just kidding. We know work totally sucks for guys, too, so we decided to write a blog for our male readers (of which we assume we have one or two).

The Top Five Worst Things About Being a Man at Work

1. Nothing. You’re a man. You have the power. Isn’t life great?

2. Most women in the office don’t feel bad that you’re having a bad day, because you’re a man, you have all the power, isn’t life great?

3. When you’re having a bad day and you blow up at one of your coworkers, you don’t get to blame it on your period. Though you do get to blame it on how macho you are, and some people will respect you more for it. Or at least fear you a little.

4. If you’re sexually harassed, people are less likely to believe you. 

5. It’s hard to complain to your female friends about your job, since your salary is still probably higher than theirs. For that reason alone you should be pushing for equal pay.

We realize this blog might still have been gently skewed in a feminist direction. What can we say? Just blame it on the penis envy.

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The Five Worst Things About Being a Woman at Work

Yeah, yeah, you’re probably thinking. Another feminist post. But it’s really more like, we’re both women, and we’re both at work, and we’re both grumpy about it, so now you get to hear about it 🙂 Plus, we’ll compensate with an equally gender-biased post about the best parts of being a woman at work next time. And, as is said often at Amanda’s office, “bitching is bonding.” So let’s bond.

The Five Worst Things About Being a Woman at Work

1. Always having to talk like a man when speaking with the men of the office. Of course, in Amanda’s office, it’s more PC to say “always having to work around your female socialization while appreciating that others were socialized male, and that communication will always be a challenge.” And then burn some sage.
2. Ripped tights. Or really, just tights. Don’t get us wrong, we actually like them, but sometimes you just don’t want to have to spend twenty minutes of prep/post time to pee.

3. Having to deal with your period. We know, women are always throwing this one around. But it sucks. It will always suck. And it always seems to come on the day when you have the biggest meeting, seminar, workshop, appointment, and can’t give in your mood swings.

4. Being treated like a little girl by vendors/coworkers/board members. And this isn’t gender-specific; women totally do this, too. Things like being congratulated on reading a contract before you sign it, or spoken to as though you’re a secretary. Astonished surprise that you have this position is always a delight, as well.

5. Appearance commentary. I’m sure this happens to men, but not a day goes by that someone doesn’t tell us what we look like. Forgo the eyeliner? “You look tired! Are you okay?” More makeup than usual? “You look so good today.” Wow, thanks.
We’d say we’d write a post talking about how hard it is to be a man at work… but we don’t know anything about that. And besides, we love talking about ourselves too much to share 🙂

Top 10 Reasons We (Yes, Still) Want the Gov’t Out of Our Vaginas

So, we saw this happy news today: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/28/texas-abortion-unconstitutional_n_4171087.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009 and while we’re relieved that a Texas ban on abortions was overruled, we’re still pretty disgusted that it was even up for debate in the first place.

We know, we know, us and everyone else. But these things keep happening, so obviously we need to keep talking about it. We just wish the GOP would stop trying to distract us from the real issues with these shows of nonsense. Here’s the thing: conservatives don’t get to insist that the government back off on gun control and drilling in natural reserves and healthcare and property and taxes and then all of a sudden demand that the government take over a woman’s body.

And for those conservatives who ride the high “Christian” horse, we’re Christians, too. We’re not saying everyone should use abortion as birth control (or that anyone should do that), but we are saying decisions are tough, and we don’t get to decide for anyone else.

We also find it interesting that the GOP so often opposes sex education, access to free or low-cost contraceptives, abortion, and welfare, but instead continually votes to keep the socioeconomically low low. So, conservatives would prefer to not educate women, not assist with contraceptives, force women to keep pregnancies they can’t afford to carry through (or are physically harmed or emotionally destroyed by), but also not provide assistance once the baby is born. Anti-abortion laws are just one more piece of social stratification in the US. The GOP would like you to pick yourself up by your bootstraps. Except, oh, they’re all out of bootstraps.

So, conservatives, if you wont stop slut-shaming us for considering all of our options, you’re just going to have to stay away from our vaginas. And here are our top ten reasons why.

1. Because if we let the government into our vaginas, they won’t bring contraception or let us have an abortion, and they definitely won’t pay child support. Just bring a condom next time, government.

2. Because our bodies are temples and we don’t like it when kids come to church.

3. Because if conservatives won’t let us into their gun cabinets, we won’t let them into our baby makers. 

4. Because when less than 20% of Congresspeople are women, they don’t get a say in what we do with our bodies.
http://www.cawp.rutgers.edu/fast_facts/levels_of_office/documents/cong.pdf

5. Because even if you think we should make religious laws, God gave us the capability of choice. Including who to vote for.

6. Because we already fought this fight. But that’s okay. We’ll fight it again.
http://www.prochoice.org/about_abortion/history_abortion.html

7. Because my vagina is mine, and no gets to be in there unless I say so.

8. Because my uterus might be empty, but my head isn’t, so I get to make my own choices. 

9. Because, as we’ve seen on bumper stickers, God isn’t spelled “GOP” and separation of church and state means the separation of our legs isn’t up for debate on the Senate floor. Though we could maybe be talked into separating them there…

10. Because, even if they’re illegal, women will find ways to have abortions anyway. Just like we have for centuries.

And if you’re interested in all the scary ways women had abortions before they were legal (or before doctors performed them like they do today), we have a blog about that coming very soon.

Top Ten Costumes We’re Sick of Seeing

We talked about doing a Halloween post a while ago, and, naturally, because it’s us, by the time it got close enough to Halloween to actually do the post, we forgot what we wanted to blog about in the first place. To fill that void, we started thinking about all the costumes we absolutely hate seeing every single year. We most appreciate costumes that are a little smart, or a little funny, or involve dressing up as half the Bluth family, only to encounter total strangers dressed as the other half at a party. We also obviously really approve of group costumes. But enough about the things we do like; here are the things we don’t.

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1. Sexy cat/kitten. We get it. Your euphemism isn’t subtle. But why do you have to take what was once a cute costume and turn it into a slutty one just because you’ve gone through puberty? If you want to be a cat, why don’t you dress up as Thackeray Binks instead? And if you don’t know who we’re talking about, you can just get out.

2. The sexy version of the Blind Melon bee. That album came out 20 years ago. Please stop.

3. The sexy Catholic schoolgirl, librarian, or any other outfit which involves just shortening the skirt and wearing glasses. Has anyone else heard that leaving something to the imagination is sexy, too? No? Just my mother, then.

4. The “sexy” girl in regular clothes who threw on a hat. It’s lazy. Try harder.

5. “Sexy” Osama bin Laden. If Prince Harry can’t pull of a sexy Nazi, you can’t pull this off. Trust us.

6. A hipster. And no, you can’t make that sexy. Aren’t there enough hipsters already?

7. Sexy pirate. RRRR you kidding us?

8. Sexy celebrity. You will never be Kim Kardashian. Deal with it. We already had to.

9. Sexy 80s girl. The 80s weren’t sexy. The crimped hair, the shoulder pads, the mom jeans. What are we saying, the 80s were totally sexy! Proceed.

10. Sexy goths. We already did it, and we did it better.

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Top Five Reasons We’re Sad About Kris and Bruce

If you don’t know who we’re talking about in the title, you should probably think about whose blog you’re reading. It’s us. Of course we’re talking about the epic separation of Bruce and Kris Jenner. The tabloids have been talking about this for years, and sure, we were a little suspicious when Bruce bought a house in Malibu “just because,” but we were holding out such hope. Though, to be fair, we hold out hope for pretty much any Hollywood/Pseudo-Hollywood relationship that lasts longer than an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians

So on that note, here are our Top Five Reasons We’re Sad About Kris and Bruce.

1. Who will emasculate and yell at Bruce Jenner now? We just won’t recognize Bruce with self-confidence.
2. Now we have to give up hope for another workout video.

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Source: PerezHilton

3. Kris playing the martyr to Bruce. Now she’ll just have to rely on her children for that.
4. The sad, sad ponytail. 

Source: USWeekly

Source: US Weekly

5. All the family unity episodes. But I guess now Kris can change her last name back to Kardashian. You know, for the brand.

Sorry we were a little late in the evening with this one, but we were just too busy mourning this relationship. Maybe next season will feature a reunion? We can only hope.

Top Five Ways to Bomb a Job Interview

So we’re back for another Career Wednesday post, and this week we thought we’d talk about something that we find very stressful: interviews. After grad school, we obviously went on quite a few, and the prep work always seemed very daunting. But really, now that we’ve been on the other side of things, we’ve figured out that it’s true: interviews aren’t always about being the candidate with all the right answers. Sometimes, it’s finding that perfect combination of experience, enthusiasm, and personality. Not every mistake will come back to haunt you. Sometimes it’s more about fit than having the answers (as Amanda learned in an interview where she said “Yeah, I LOVE fitness!” which, as was apparent to everyone in the room, was a total lie).

That said, there are five mistakes we see all the time that we just can’t figure out. But we really do see these almost constantly. So here are our top five ways to absolutely bomb an interview.

1. Arrive for your interview twenty minutes late. Don’t provide an excuse. Don’t apologize, or seem stressed about it. If asked, just wave your hand and say you’re always late. That’s exactly what we want in an employee!

2. Dress up, but not in a suit. Who wants to be constricted by a suit when you can wear your club dress and heels? If you’re really on top of your game, wear a mini Levi skirt and a belly shirt. You might be laughing, but your future employer won’t be. Neither will she be your future employer.

3. Don’t ask any questions. This is the employer’s time to get to know you and how you can help them. Why would you want to ask questions that will help to inform your decision? This isn’t about you…

4. When your interviewer asks if you have experience in a particular area, just answer “No.” Don’t elaborate. Don’t express interest in learning. Don’t try to make connections from other areas of expertise. Just say “No.” And sit politely in silence while the interviewer watches you blink.

5. Don’t make eye contact, ever. It’s rude to look at the person you’re talking to. Instead, look at pictures on the desk, degrees on the wall, or even the fly on the window. But never, ever make eye contact.

Bonus #6: Never learn about the organization you’re applying to work for. With interviews, it’s best to wing it and seem as disinterested as possible. Playing hard to get is a fantastic strategy here.

We’re always happy to help you make poor life choices, so we’ll be back on Friday. And we’re both 89% sure we aren’t lying about that this week 🙂

The Top 5 Reasons We Didn’t Get Guest Bloggers For This Friday and Sunday

Normally we post career-related posts on Wednesday, but we’ve been slightly overwhelmed. So much so that we forgot to get guest bloggers for this Friday’s and Sunday’s post.  We would normally try to find guest bloggers, but we’re both kind of a crazy distracted mess right now, so we’re just lucky we remember we even have a blog. Because of our stress level we had to devote today’s post to why sucked it up as bloggers. So we give you…

The Top 5 Reasons We Didn’t Get Guest Bloggers For This Friday and Sunday

1. Because we spent our weeks trying to convince our coworkers not to be crazy, to convince our bosses we aren’t stupid, and trying to find items that went suddenly missing. There, that’s the career portion of this blog.

2. PMS. Oh, sorry, is that too much information? WELL TOO BAD GET OFF OUR BACKS.

3. Because Leslie’s mom is coming into town and Leslie has had to repress her drinking, swearing, talking dirty…basically, what makes her her. Sober Leslie is not funny Leslie.

4. Because Amanda had to clean and cook for her friend who is visiting. does that really take a whole week, to make one lasagna and some cupcakes? Considering Amanda’s dinner prep usually involves standing in front of the fridge and looking perplexed, YES. YES IT DOES.

5. Because Kris and Bruce Jenner splitting up has caused more emotional distress than we thought. It’s just too horrible.

As you may have guessed, we’ll be taking a short hiatus this weekend while our friends and family are in town. We’ll be back next week… hopefully with a few more functioning brain cells.